DIY COW Clue-Writing Contests

[anax]

No idea why I thought of ELEPHANT. It just happened. So, let's have your risqué clues...

Have fun!
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Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

[penfold_61]

On the assumption that the rules on living persons can be relaxed for the purpose of this contest:

One will never forget the world's greatest footballer returning to hospital with the first signs of acute nonerectile todgeritis (8)


http://www.latinosportslegends.com/2002/Pele_in_Viagra_new_tv_ads-032002.htm

[glheard]

Tricky... how about this...

Does he still have big balls when missing one, a nun? (8)
_________________
That's the way the ginger snaps.

[7dNigePun]

Big fabricated leather penis has rise taken out if it (8)

[penfold_61]

Animal with a huge cock? Constant fifty-seven incher, hard six-footer (8)

[CycleClips]

Monstrous penis with a helmet end might produce ________ semen I'd fancy


[comp. anag. & lit., i.e. PENIS A HELMET END = ELEPHANT SEMEN ID]

[eldesdichado]

In Sudan or India, it comes in pints! :lol:

[johanssons]

The first Hebrew to screw in walking tree-giant? (8)

[boxwood]

One never forgets hotel head, wearing short pants, coming on the back of a half cut football team (8)

[penfold_61]

Can we have a result and a new challenge?

Anax, have you thought of operating on a "winner stays on" basis (for the standard COW DIY as well) where the writer of the best clue gets to set and judge the next competition? That way you'd get a chance to enter as well.

[7dNigePun]

This is becoming a habit

35a in last Saturday's JUMBO 747

Creature ultimately inclined to cross power with height? (8)

[anax]

FIRST PLACE: Penfold_61
Animal with huge cock? Constant fifty-seven incher, hard six-footer (8)
E + L + E.P. + H + ANT
Marvellous! OK, so part of the def is superfluous but the minimalised construction of the wordplay makes this a killer clue.

SECOND PLACE: 7dNigePun
Big fabricated leather penis has rise taken out of it (8)
LEATHER PENIS* minus RISE
Another great surface reading and clever observation to create the anagram. Strictly speaking, because the letters of RISE are jumbled an editor would demand that this is given an indicator – perhaps “rise cruelly…” would make this complete.

THIRD PLACE: CycleClips
Monstrous penis with a helmet end might produce ____ semen I’d fancy (8)
Compound anagram using PENIS A HELMET END and (ELEPHANT) SEMEN I’D. Very cleverly worked out, this is the type of device one could expect to find in an advanced barred puzzle.

All entries were very good indeed, especially so since ELEPHANT is a far from inspiring word / collection of letters. There were a couple where I couldn’t quite fathom the wordplay; an appropriate moment to ask if submissions could include explanations if the wordplay isn’t obvious.
_________________
Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

[glheard]

Ooops, that was probably mine... wordplay was ELEPHANTIASIS - I,A,SIS
_________________
That's the way the ginger snaps.