DIY COW Clue-Writing Contests

[penfold_61]

The scattergun approach finally paid off and I won contest 8, so here's your new smutty challenge:

BLOG

[boxwood]

Everyman's opinion: place end of tool inside back of mouth (4)

(too)L in GOB reversed

[7dNigePun]

Saddo's organ left in the toilet

[7dNigePun]

I'll get ruder in a bit

Pointlessly belong to an internet community journal (4)

[anax]

Record fellatio with WAG! (4)

More Listener-ish treatment than Times. BLOW but making the W a G. Reminds me of an ancient listener clue:

Bastioned fort of Pendragon (drat!) (8)
_________________
Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

[penfold_61]

Daily musings on PC's black turd

[boxwood]

Internet forum starts to beget lonely, one-handed gratification (4)

[7dNigePun]

Not rude, not right but hey I was messing around and came up with:


Turn turn mass mass jaw jaw (4)


turn - reversal indicator
turn=GO
mass=lb
mass jaw jaw= (very dodgy) def

[anax]

PC notes homosexual finally being taken in the shitter (4)

(homosexua)L in BOG
_________________
Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

[penfold_61]

It’s time to put and end to this sorry mess. Go outside while I discuss the clues with Margaret and Nick. When you come back into the boardroom, two of you WILL get fired. And pointed at. And if you see George the Bastard and AngryVocab, ask them where the hell they’ve been. Now get out.

[penfold_61]

Send the candidates in please Frances.

NigePun.
(Saddo's organ left in the toilet)
([I'll get ruder in a bit]
Pointlessly belong to an internet community journal)
([Not rude, not right but hey I was messing around and came up with]
Turn turn mass mass jaw jaw)

NigePun, what’s all this I’ll get ruder in a bit, not rude nonsense? You’ve totally misunderstood the task. Risqué clues is what we’re after, not some clever clever bollocks. I wouldn’t put one of my satellite set-top boxes in a flower show and say ‘oh I know it’s not a flower buy whatever, I’ll bring a flower along in a minute'. This was a fatal error. A fatal error. OK, the organ one had a toilet in it but for me, it was too little, too late, and for that reason, NigePun, with regret, you’re fired.

Anax
(Record fellatio with WAG!)
(PC notes homosexual finally being taken in the shitter)

Anax, I’m not convinced by this fellatio clue. As a noun, it’s a blow job, I’ve never heard it called just a blow, and let me tell you son, I’ve been around long enough to know what’s what. Stop smirking. You can blow someone, but then it would have to be fellate for the clue to work properly. And what’s record supposed to mean? Make a note of it in your secret gobble diary; tape it on some crappy Amstrad cassette recorder? Maybe it’s just me being thick. And the other clue. I don’t know. You’ve mixed a grown up word like homosexual with a slang word like shitter. Anax…

you’re…

a clever bloke. But I don’t know. It’s all words.

Boxwood
(Everyman's opinion: place end of tool inside back of mouth)
(Internet forum starts to beget lonely, one-handed gratification)

Boxwood, your clues made me laugh, which is good, and they’re rude, which is good, but is that enough? The tool one, I’m not convinced by back of mouth. The other one, you seem to think it’s big and clever to joke about wanking. Well so do I, and for that reason, Anax, you’re fired!

Boxwood, you win. Again.

[anax]

Bloody hilarious owd lad - and it called to mind this rather appropriate piece of news:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-%26-entertainment/first-apprentice-to-sell-an-emailer-wins%2c-says-sugar-200806051002/

Teehee
_________________
Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

[boxwood]

What a laugh!

Thank you penfold-61 and, may i say, how 'sweet' of you.

For the latest word, I have turned, for no particular reason, to Rosemary Conley's book: Flat stomach plan, for inspiration.

Please conjure up something rather nasty for the word:


EXERCISE

[7dNigePun]

I see where I went wrong now. You wanted Lee and I gave you Raif. I'll try to downgrade myself next time