DIY COW Clue-Writing Contests

Mistreatment of peacemakers, I quieten soldiers in exercise.

UN,I,SH,MEN in PT

Oh boy this is convoluted (you can tell I've been working on the Listener lately).

Inside kick is hymen lost? Yes, to the sin bin!

IS,HYMEN - Y in PUNT

ugh... I'll do better next time

Punching the 'ell out of Billie, maybe on the Fourth of July.

Been gone from here for a while, sorry about dropping out... let's see what I can make of this...

Doddery senior in the outskirts of heat most willing to copulate. (8)

(SENIOR) in HeaT

Not that blue, but for some reason it ticked me...

I spy an intimate orange, perhaps?

SECRET(=intimate)+AGENT(orange)

Say, Bond, she's curved to angles - not oddly. (6,5)

ShEsCuRvEdToAnGlEsNoT

Giant squid perhaps, produces messy roast semen. (3,7)

(roast,semen)*

That may be the best I can come up with...

I didn't realise judging was up to me until a few days ago, and it's been action stations here, but here comes the judge...

I probably chose something uninteresting, I was thinking about tesseracts ...

I'm becoming increasingly fond of the regular clue in the listener that is a composite anagram... so here goes.

Confused gent after chuckle? Get the fuck out, square. (9)

(GENTAFTERCHUCKLE - TH ...

As alleged winner of Clues in Blue #4, I get to pick the next challenge. Well, since it's a word that is giving me hell elsewhere, let's try.

RECTANGLE

Scatology, irreverence and blasphemy welc ...

no, it was awkwardly clued, I had originally meant it to be implicit that on was a part of the answer, on reflection I could have made it into an anagram. There are many reasons I'm not a setter, thi ...

"Flatulence Uncovered Taps, inverted lavatory" submitted for a degree here. (3,6).

Wordplay: (f)ARTS,C,H,(LOO)<=

Ooops, that was probably mine... wordplay was ELEPHANTIASIS - I,A,SIS

OK, so I'm in a particularly sick mood today... here goes less than nothing...

Fairytales often start with ejaculate from the rear after an awkward pounce. (4,4,1,4)

Wordplay: (POUNCE)* ON,A (E ...

Tricky... how about this...

Does he still have big balls when missing one, a nun? (8)